tomorrow! tomorrow!

Carmen's procedure is tomorrow....

So after doing an extensive ultrasound of her legs (to map the veins for the procedure etc.) and a CT scan of her head (to ensure that she doesn't have any lesions that could bleed out during the procedure) there was no time to actually do the procedure, so it has been pushed back to tomorrow morning. Which is actually better because the ICU's night staff is a lot smaller (more people=more attention on Carmen) and Carmen had this afternoon to relax after her sleepless night.

She was very tired and weak today, and because of it was feeling a little overly nervous about the risky procedure tomorrow. Her doctor assured her that the team was one of the best and that she had nothing to worry about, which made her feel a lot better. She also got some pain meds which made her feel a lot more comfortable and able to rest more, as she put it, "my body... is like nirvana." Carmen had a special visitor today! Anna stopped by her stomping grounds to see me and Carmen. It was really sweet, Carmen got emotional, but was so happy to see the young Dr. Sick. Carmen was tired of hospital food, so we got her some Panera, which she enjoyed. Tom and I left early so Carmen and Jose could get some rest.

Sweet dreams Carmencita, you have a big day tomorrow, but everything will be just fine!

Comments

Carmen Mateo

My mother was first diagnosed with retroperitoneal liposarcoma in October of 2005. I had come home to see her in the hospital—during the removal of a cyst on her breast the doctors accidentally punctured her lung. It was during her stay at the hospital that they completed an MRI of her core (to verify the lung’s status) and found a large mysterious mass—a tumor. Though frightened by this news she was thankful for the discovery. Weeks went by as my parents spoke with other doctors and centers trying to figure out what this tumor was and what to do. Eventually she was diagnosed—liposarcoma, a rare type of cancerous tumor that manifests itself as a mass of fat. The irony of it—my mother the skinniest petite woman in the world, had a fat tumor. Right before Thanksgiving she went to Sloan Kettering to have surgery to remove the almost 8lb tumor. Being the strong woman that she is, she recovered quickly from the surgery and began her healing journey. It was years bef...

The feared M-word

Today I felt the pain of mortality stab me in the heart. I have always been optimistic of my mother’s condition, knowing that with optimism and hope we could battle her cancer and finally overcome her disease. These past few years since her diagnosis of retroperitoneal liposarcoma in October/September of 2005 have been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, getting through it all. I tried to be strong for my mother, show her the strength she has within, assure her that she is doing everything she can to heal herself, and that surely she is on her way to recovery. I thought that in believing in her and her strength that she would be able to overcome anything. With every returning tumor she was better equipped to heal her body, to teach her body to heal itself. I was there supporting her through her surgeries, her trial chemo treatments, always there letting her know that she was on the road to recovery. Today after finishing her second round of a trial chemo that seemed hopefull...

Some days there won't be a song in your heart.

Sing anyway. So the chemo trial is out of the picture. Whether it is because it is actually not possible to get Carmen in the trial, or because she does not want to go through the painful side effects of the chemo treatment that probably won't cure her disease, I do not know. All I know is that tomorrow (probably) she will be coming home for hospice care until nature takes its course. It is hard not to look back at all the things we could have done. I know this must be extremely hard for my mother, but we should not harp on things we can not change. It is also extremely hard for me to just accept that this is the reality of our situation, but we should have the strength and grace to support Carmen now in these difficult times. We have spent almost 6 years in this battle, where we have hoped for a miracle to fight what seems to be the inevitable now. I think the worst of this all, is the uncertainty. We simply do not know how things will go, it could be weeks or days. It seems ...

Nectar of Life

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