I want to cry, scream and pretend like nothing happened all at once. More despair as yet another treatment option fails me. Another disappointment. Another set back. Unfortunately it's not just about my ulcerative colitis and trying to get myself healthy, it's also about how my UC has gotten in the way of my hopes of eventually having a family of my own. At least when there were more treatment options I could be hopeful of maybe one day feeling better and being able to start a family. But now I'm woefully aware of my limited options and the realization that I likely might not ever really get to be normal again. That maybe no medication I try will help. That maybe the one thing I have left is the utterly life changing surgery to have my colon removed. Willful hope, denial, stubbornness...I'm not sure what to call it, but I had always believed deep down inside that somehow I would find something that would work, something that would get me bac
Cancer strikes again. Another sarcoma another loved one taken well before their time. This time, my poor sweet 5 year and almost 7 month (just 4 days shy) dog Rico had to be put down last week due to osteosarcoma, bone cancer. The keystone of our small family, gone and with him all sense of family -- leaving a large sense of emptiness in our huge home and hearts. Tom and I got Rico together when he was just 3 months old from a shelter, and immediately he became an integral part of our lives. With him we learned what it meant to be a family and what unconditional love felt like -- how even when Rico was a total monster we couldn't help but love him. He was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in January 2017 and spent most of his time doing well, until basically the past couple of weeks that were a downward spiral. It was really hard to notice the differences since we basically spend 24-7 all together (thanks to working from home and being super lame homebodies). But looking back it was