Skip to main content

Carmencita eterna- huella resistente a paso del tiempo, porque vives en nosotros

Today was hard--living through the pain of good bye all over again. This time it was so much more real. When it first happened, it was all so sudden, all so surreal. She had been dead just over a day or so. All of my emotions then were suppressed by this layer of shock. Today, everything was all too real. Everything that happened had settled over time and her absence had become all too apparent. I walked into this familiar church, a church that I had know as a child from my summers in Spain--the last time I had been there was for my first communion. I was surrounded by my extended family, many strangers who had grown up with my mother, and our close Dutch friends, Rob and Dory, who had moved back to the Netherlands. As I sat there next to my dad, brother and mom's sister, I felt the reality of her death, her complete absence. It was a beautiful ceremony, my dad gave a very touching speech about their story. This time I could not push back the tears that came trickling out. Much like the first ceremony it was an drizzly day, which seemed strange since it had not rained in a very long time in Callosa. I interpreted as her, being there, sad to see us so sad.  At the end countless of unfamiliar and familiar faces came to share their sympathy with me as they left the church telling me little things about how they knew her or how sorry they were. It was nice to see how many people still remembered and cared for her--showing just how she has always been an unforgettable woman.

After the ceremony we went to the cemetery nestled in the hills of the tiny town where my parents grew up overlooking the farm fields. We went to take her remains home, so she could be with her mother, father, and brother. She had come back to her roots, she was home once again.

As painfully sad as this all was, it was nice. It was nice to see my family. It was nice to have some sort of closure on this funeral process. It was nice to know that she would rest amongst the hills and fields that she grew up in. It was nice to take her remains to her home to rest with her family.  It was nice to know that her spirit and memories still live on in the hearts and minds of every life she touched, even in a small town that she left years ago.


Volverás a nuestra huerta y a nuestra higuera,

y por los altos andamios de las flores
pajareará tu alma colmenera

Alegrando las  sombra de mis cejas........

Hasta que nos volvamos a encontrar

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The feared M-word

 Today I felt the pain of mortality stab me in the heart. I have always been optimistic of my mother’s condition, knowing that with optimism and hope we could battle her cancer and finally overcome her disease. These past few years since her diagnosis of retroperitoneal liposarcoma in October/September of 2005 have been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, getting through it all. I tried to be strong for my mother, show her the strength she has within, assure her that she is doing everything she can to heal herself, and that surely she is on her way to recovery. I thought that in believing in her and her strength that she would be able to overcome anything. With every returning tumor she was better equipped to heal her body, to teach her body to heal itself. I was there supporting her through her surgeries, her trial chemo treatments, always there letting her know that she was on the road to recovery. Today after finishing her second round of a trial chemo that seemed hopefull...
Post a Comment
Read more
Today we are gathered to recognize the life of caring woman. To many, she was Dr. Carmen Mateo or just Carmen, and to a few of us she was Carmencita (Mari Carmen to her sister who just arrived from Spain), or mom to my brother Daniel and I. She was and still is an inspiration to us all, with her kindness, grace and strength. She was selfless always putting everyone first, whether it was a stranger, a patient, or her family.   As she would say, lo mas feito para mi. Carmen was full of love for the world, always wanting to take care of everyone. She touched the lives of all the patients she encountered while at NIH and in her everyday life. She was the type of person that you would meet once, and after a lengthy conversation, oh how my mother could talk, would make you feel like you were special. She is unforgettable; her inner beauty always radiating through her twinkling eyes and quirky smile. She had this aura of energy surrounding her that captiva...
1 comment
Read more

no bad news is good news

The doctors at Suburban decided to transfer Carmen to Johns Hopkins, and oh what a transfer it was--her ambulance got a flat tire, and her backup ambulance got lost so 2 hours after leaving Suburban she finally arrived at 5am at Hopkins. At Suburban they suspected an infection, but after a CT scan saw that the tumors were slightly compressing the inferior vena cava, which became the prime suspect of the fluid retention. If this was the case they would put in a stent to help keep the vein open. But, luckily the medical oncologists at Hopkins decided to do a scan of the legs to see if anything else was going on.  The scan showed that she has two blood clots one in each of her legs. So, the doctors have decided to do a de-blood-clotting procedure, where they stick a catheter in each of the affected veins and introduce a medicine that will dissolve the clots. Unfortunately, she will have to be in the ICU after this procedure to monitor the effects of the blood thinner closely. Hopefu...
Post a Comment
Read more