Life is flowing like nectar.

In life there is death; in death there is life.

These past few weeks have kept me extremely busy as I prepared for my big cross-country move and kept my mind off of things. I am finally getting settled into my new home and slowly realizing the reality of everything that has happened. I have been pretty strong throughout most of this process, because I am my mother's daughter and because of the wonderful support group I have-- my amazing friends, my supportive family, my rock of a boyfriend and all the other wonderful people that have extended kind words to me and my family. I could not thank all of you enough.

But in this calm after the storm, I can't help but feel my heart ache from her absence. Perhaps this feeling is heightened by the fact that I am thousands of miles away from everyone I know and love (Tom is back in the DMV for a wedding, so I am alone here in LA) or maybe it is all just starting to actually hit me. I miss being able to talk to her. I really want to hear her get excited about my new place, telling me about all the things I should do for it. I want to hear her tell me that I shouldn't be nervous about school because everything with is going to be ok, because I am her star. I just miss her. With all of these wonderful new things happening, I can't help but want to share them with her as I had in the past.

There is this beautiful hibiscus plant at the entrance to our apartment that reminds me so much of her--she had a few hibiscus plants in our house, as they were the flower of Puerto Rico. She would have loved this plant, I can hear her "ohh mai goohd they are beauutiful" over their delicate white petals and vibrant deep red center.

There is so much beauty in this world, and this world is so much more beautiful because of you. Mom, I know that you will always be here with me, in every beautiful thing I see.

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Some days there won't be a song in your heart.

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Nectar of Life

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