Yesterday was a long day of tests and waiting. Her liver and kidney test results came back ok—slightly off, but nothing to be too concerned about. The CT scan confirmed the presence of the liver metastasis, which is not the greatest news, but it is the reality of our situation. Carmen looked a lot better, despite being exhausted from a day of being poked and prodded. Her abdominal pain and her nausea had subsided which was great news. She had not met with the surgeons, so no news yet in regards to the possibility of surgery. The doctors had determined however, that the abdominal/intestinal pains and nausea were associated with part of the intestine being impacted by the tumors, so the put her on a steroid to help reduce the inflammation and ease digestion.
Last night we sat there as family around her bed, talking and listening and though some of the things we spoke about were hard to process and sad, Carmen was very calm and at ease. Her strength amazes me more and more every single day. After a long emotional day, it was nice to sit there together and enjoy the peace of each other’s company (with the traditional Spanish higher than a normal tone but I’m NOT yelling occasional discussions).
Today was a great day! From the moment I walked into the room, I saw Carmen’s face light up, and knew that she was feeling so much better than she had since her symptoms had presented themselves. Tom and I spent the entire afternoon/evening with Carmen. We talked, laughed, cried, prayed, walked along the hallways of the Johns Hopkins medical campus, did the “shake it out” dance and played parchis (like Parcheesi, but Spanish). Carmen’s morning liver test results came back slightly better than the previous ones, which is always good news. She also started eating solid food today—no pain and no nausea! WOOO! Carmen was worried about the fact that she had been taking in a good amount of fluids, but not passing any because of the implications that may have (liver/kidney functional issues etc.). So we walked around a lot and did the shake it out dance (yes, I have video footage of this hilarious dance that Tom introduced to my mother), which obviously did the trick. Overall it was a good day despite some sad emotional moments.
Though there is a lot of uncertainty about the next steps, we are working on a few different things. There is a new anti-body trial chemo treatment that we are eager to try, as it seems to have had relatively good results with soft tissue tumors. We also want to push for surgery, which may be tricky because of her liver metastasis (most doctors do not want to put the patient through such a hard procedure knowing that the cancer is in the lymphatic system and will return). But the tumors make life for Carmen a bit more uncomfortable. We are looking at every option, as Carmen told her doctor “We have to think outside of the box.”
So we are in this, the trenches of life fighting for it all, till the very end. It amazes me, how my mother can be so optimistic about her situation. She believes that everything that happens to us is in order to learn something. This terrible cancer, which most people would curse or try to find blame, is a learning point for Carmen, which she is grateful for. During her fight against cancer, she has learned the value of spiritualism—something that her scientific/medical upbringing lacked. She has come so far since she began, and is a much more complete person because of it. She understands her predicament, and is ready and willing to walk the path ahead of her, wherever it may eventually lead. Her bravery is astounding, her faith encompassing and her will unyielding. I have always been hopeful of her cure, and after today I am even more so, despite the odds against us. As she put it, “I am too alive. When people say that they are too tired to keep fighting, I say I am too alive to not keep fighting.”
V is for Victory
Comments
Post a Comment